fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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