okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
