I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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