I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
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i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
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Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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