At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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