DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
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This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
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Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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