Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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