You don't have asthma, your pregnant
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Blood and glitter go together right?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize