i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
