Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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