I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize