you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
