Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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