Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
