hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
