How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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