Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today