But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
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I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
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Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Still dying that you shit outside