I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.