just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
