Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
