Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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