Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
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i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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