Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
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Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
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if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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