I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
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He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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