I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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