Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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