did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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