Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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