Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
