Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
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He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
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We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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