I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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