I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she peed on how many people?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
