..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
