If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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