i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
