Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize