So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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