Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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