i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
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