I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
