Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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