I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
