I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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