So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
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It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
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i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.