Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."