bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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