she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.