My liver just broke up with me...
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
