Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.