i wish my penis had a tongue
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.