Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.