What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?