I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.