Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight