my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
