At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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