Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
