Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
