Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
