Your tits are I can't wait for
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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